Learning the Dutch way of life (1)

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I lived in Amsterdam for about four years and during this time experienced Dutch culture quite closely as I worked in a completely Dutch company, plus the Netherlands is not as diverse as London. So you do end up being in contact with Dutch culture more than in London. I must say that before moving to the Netherlands, I had assumed that the culture there would be similar to the UK where I had lived for decades. So I had expected the move to be seamless. But was I in for a shock! Dutch culture is so unique, so quaint, it took me a lot of time (and effort!) to understand the quirks and differences, to get comfortable with this new experience.

Fall evenings

In fact, I had to read a few books about Amsterdam, about the Netherlands and the Dutch to understand the history and the context for why things are the way they are. It’s only after all the research and reading, a lot of things started to make sense. A lot of these cultural traits are just so different (and sometimes frustrating also) to adjust to. It helps to be aware of these differences, as then it gets a lot easier to deal with them.

Also, following instagram accounts of other expats in the Netherlands helped a lot. Watching their reels I would go, ‘yes yes, I also noticed that’! In fact, it helped confirm to me that I wasn’t being delusional, the Dutch really are like that 😂. And other expats also find it different (and sometimes difficult to get used to!). My favourite insta content creators for expats in the Netherlands were driplist and double dutch.

The following are some of the values I learnt about Dutch culture

• Dutch love for freedom and individualism
• Practicality comes before everything
• Simplicity as a way of life
• Love of the outdoors, weather be damned
• Being direct
• Keeping things in line
• Work to live
• Driven by language
• Other quirky habits and traditions

Spring is coming

(Quick disclaimers before we begin: One, I absolutely loved living in Amsterdam, one of the best places I have ever lived in. It’s just that I noticed a lot of the cultural differences, and some of them were tough to adjust to initially. So they are not a criticism of the country and culture, just a narration of some of my experiences of settling in. Two, my views are based only on my own experiences and others may have a different perception or experience of Dutch culture than mine. And that’s ok. Lastly, I use Amsterdam and the Netherlands interchangeably. Non-Amsterdammers will kill me for that but that’s how it was for me. Amsterdam was the Netherlands 😂).


When I moved to the Netherlands in 2021, I had written an article, Moving to Amsterdam, first impressions. This article adds to those initial thoughts and shares my final impressions as I left the country. So both articles should be read together. Also, I am posting photos I took of Amsterdam, of its natural beauty, in all seasons, along with this article. Just like that 😄. Enjoy!!


Dutch love for freedom and individualism

The Dutch spirit is at a different level than many others. The early Dutch had a daunting task of creating a country from the marshes. And it was impressive that they imagined they could pump water out of the land using windmills, build dykes to close off and control the seas, and build new land to farm and live on. Just having that vision deserves a “hats off” to the Dutch. They have been imagining and conquering nature for so long, it has become second nature to them. And I think that may be what drives their love for independence, freedom and hence the gradual evolution into an individualistic society.

Sunny fall evenings

In fact, one of my colleagues had shared this with me after seeing me struggle with some behaviours around me. She said that Dutch society is a very individualistic one. People are helpful of course, but they generally put the self before others. And once she mentioned it to me, I was able to understand the actions better. When people said what they wanted, directly, without much consideration of others, made sense now. Not making too much of an effort in inviting and entertaining guests, made sense now. Not having spare bedrooms in their houses for hosting visitors, made sense now.

The focus on the self before others does show up in a lot of the actions and ways of life. And knowing that helps. In fact, two colleagues had also said straightaway in a discussion after Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, that they would happily flee the country rather than stay back and fight, like what the Ukrainians were doing. Thankfully I wasn’t shocked when I heard that anymore 😂.

Art in the parks

This individualism also extends tonot liking being told what to do. That can be seen everywhere in the Netherlands. So many people in the Netherlands protested against the Covid measures and the vaccine, just because the government was telling them to do something. Lockdowns were very difficult to implement in the Netherlands because no one wanted to be told what to do. And being a manager in the Netherlands was tough too, as no one in the team wants to be guided by their manager on their work - everyone wants to make their mistakes themselves and figure it out by themselves 😂. This was definitely something very tough to adjust to, having come from a hierarchical society like India, and the UK also to some extent.

This individualism also leads to an interesting dualism in the Netherlands. Though overall the Dutch follow order and rules, they are also fine breaking some rules, like queue jumping, speeding and so on. And they are not as much of a stickler for rules, as say, the Germans and the Swiss. So here and there, small rules are broken all the time. I never fully comprehended this duality somehow. (Though, for expats, all rules must be followed. Unless you speak Dutch, then you can get away with flexible rules sometimes).

Spring in the Rijksmuseum

I am not sure if it's the same reason of not liking to be told what to do, but the service in the country really sucks. It's almost like they don’t believe in good service. And the Dutch directness doesn't help here either 😂. Shops which are supposed to close at 5 pm, start discouraging customers to come in, from 430 pm onwards! They almost harass you to get out. No one in the shops even makes an effort to sell you something. In fact, if you ask questions about the products, quite often you will experience grumpiness and annoyance from the shop attendants. I found it quite shocking, isn’t selling you goods what they want to do?

The waiters in restaurants are also not the friendliest. Service with a smile rarely exists. And when it did happen, we would clap for it (metaphorically!)! I had a running joke for restaurant service in the Netherlands. If the waiter brought water to the table after being asked just once, the restaurant should get a 5 star for their service, being in the top 5% in the country! If after asking twice you get water on your table, the service is not bad, being in the top 30% of the restaurants. And for the rest of them, you never got the water 😂, which was true for the majority of the restaurants. We all got used to these levels of service, of course. But we would be star struck while travelling when waiters smiled at their customers 😂.

Winter nights

The focus on freedom and individualism is inculcated in the Dutch from childhood. Children are taught that they are all special, winning is not considered as important as participation. They are taught to be curious, question authority, and not submit to hierarchy. Having an opinion and voicing it is considered important - children are taught this from an early age. They are also taught to be independent from childhood itself, to feel free to choose whichever profession they like, and so on. So all of it is normal for everyone, it’s everywhere. And maybe because of that, Dutch children are often said to be one of the happiest in the world.


Practicality comes before everything

I think it is from the values of freedom and individualism, plus the trading history of the Dutch that practicality became another key pillar of the Dutch way of life. What works better is what will be done. And this preference for practicality drives a lot of what Dutch society is today. This policy even has a name, ‘Gedogen’, something may be illegal but it's better to just look the other way. This is the approach of the Dutch for weed, prostitution, and many other lifestyle choices in the country.

Fall nights on the canals

The Netherlands is one of the few countries in Europe that adopted English as a widely spoken second language and everyone is taught the language in school. So the whole country is fluent in speaking English, along with Dutch. And the reason is simple. The Dutch accept that the Dutch language is spoken in such a small geographic area, they will have to learn a more global language to be able to trade with the world, as well as make the Netherlands a place expats would want to live. And it is this practicality that makes them accept learning and speaking English a lot more openly, compared to, say, the French.

The same goes for Dutch food. Someone said to me, the Dutch eat to live. And as all the food eventually mixes when it reaches the stomach, it doesn’t make sense to spend too much time cooking different dishes 😂. And so the ritual of cooking and eating is not that important in their culture, as in the Spanish or Italian cultures. Practical choices at a different level! And I think it’s because of this, I rarely found the food in the city particularly ‘tasty’. This would hit me a lot more every time I travelled to places where food was revered and actually tasted outstanding.

Another colleague of mine once told me that eating is not a big activity in Dutch homes (unlike Indian and Asian families where food is thought about and discussed from morning to night). The Dutch food is mostly sandwiches, whether it's breakfast, lunch or dinner (ok, I may be exaggerating, but not a lot 😂!).

Tastiest french fries

This was really tough for me to adjust to, as I have always eaten hot cooked food for my meals. And on this point, I held my ground. I may have had a sandwich for a meal less than 5 times in the entire four years of living in the Netherlands! I must say though, I liked some of the Dutch desserts - cakes, oliebollen and some raisin breads. And they did make tasty French fries. But overall, I wasn’t impressed with the cuisine.

Also it’s interesting to note that the Dutch started colonialism mainly for trading in spices, but decided not to add those spices to their own food. As one of my colleagues said, the Dutch have a trading mindset, and it was more profitable to sell rather than eat the spices! And that’s how practical they can be 😂.

Because of the trading mindset of the country, the Port of Rotterdam is apparently the busiest port in Europe, with the best and most convenient setup for trade. Because of efficient operations, lower taxes, easier paperwork and many other business friendly systems, even though ships have to travel more to get here, a very high percentage of European sea trade comes through this port in the Netherlands.

Twinkling nights

Dutch practicality when it comes to money and value is already well known. There is a reason the phrase of splitting bills is called ‘going Dutch’. The Dutch prefer the practicality of paying for what they eat, to avoid any type of over or underpayment. They also value spending money frugally and avoiding any kind of show-off through overspending. In fact, more often than not, you will find Dutch people discussing how to spend less rather than more.

This focus on value sometimes goes too far though, which in some cultures (such as my Indian culture), may be perceived almost as being cheap. One classic example I heard about often was about Dutch weddings. I heard stories of how some people who attended weddings, had to go out to buy and eat their own meals, and then come back for the dancing at the afterparty. Or other stories of guests getting vouchers for 1-2 free drinks after which they had to pay for additional drinks themselves. As practical as this system may be, anyone coming from India would be shocked to hear this. As in Indian culture, people go to the other extreme, of taking huge loans to have lavish weddings and pay for everything for the guests during the weddings.

Summer nights along the canals

Another example of the simple and practical life choices the Dutch make is about inviting and hosting guests at home. I heard (as well as experienced) that the Dutch don't invite people home easily, especially expats. They prefer to meet outside for coffee and meals, instead of inviting guests home for meals. It is clearly easier and more practical that way.

I am not sure if this is also driven by practicality and value consciousness, but it feels like the Dutch drive everywhere in Europe. For skiing, or long summer holidays, most of them drive to their destination instead of flying (it also helps that they always take long holidays, one to three weeks long). Whether it's Austria or Switzerland for a week, or Spain and France for longer holidays, they just drive so far regularly. Maybe it is because I have lived in the UK for so long, such long distance driving holidays felt too strenuous and excessive to me.

Art in the streets

And lastly, the Dutch are quite conservative when it comes to taking medicines. It's a joke but quite near the truth - doctors in the Netherlands are known to prescribe paracetamol for most ailments. Also home birthing is relatively common and quite encouraged in the Netherlands, which I haven’t seen elsewhere for a long time. The Netherlands is also one of the few countries in the world to have legalised euthanasia. Practicality and simplicity just shows up in every nook and corner of the country.


Simplicity as a way of life

This is something about Dutch culture that takes a while to realise, as it just slips into your own life too. And you realise this change only when you visit other places. The Dutch believe in a simple life, with minimum show off. Choices in daily life are made for their practical value, not how others perceive it. And this happens in all aspects of life.

Clothes, buildings, conversations. Everything is simple and not blown out of proportion. No one talks about money, how much their house costs, how much their car costs, how much property they own, and so on. If you compliment a Dutch person for something they own, they will immediately mention how it’s not expensive, and underplay it. They will even tell you where they bought it on sale 😂. And this simplicity cannot be appreciated enough. It makes living in the Netherlands a lot lighter than some other places. And brings about a humility which feels refreshing. Such a welcome change compared to the US and India.

Summer nights

The Dutch have this habit of living their lives with their curtains open! I read somewhere that this was done in the olden days to show that nothing improper was happening inside the house while the men of the house were away at sea. But this has continued till today. I initially did not believe it but it's true, the Dutch live their lives with windows without curtains drawn, especially in central Amsterdam. Sometimes it’s fun to peek inside the canal houses and view all the paintings, furnishings and chandeliers in those expensive places. Though many times, it's a bit uncomfortable. But it’s still in line with the idea of a simple life, where there is nothing to hide.

The love for simplicity and practicality also extends to clothes. The Dutch are not big on clothes and dressing up either. The clothes they wear are simple, casual and practical - mostly what works for cycling (of course I am exaggerating a bit but not much). Most people prefer to wear loose clothes, in shades of black, blue, grey and brown. And heels are almost unheard of! It felt to me that there was barely any style or effort that went in dressing up, for work, for social events or on the streets.

Fall time

The contrast with how people in London dress up, in office, and even on the streets was very noticeable. And the stark difference whenever I used to travel to Italy or Switzerland was just too obvious to ignore. I would land at an airport and feel that everyone was dressed up for something special, after the casualness I got used to in Amsterdam (which crept up in my own dressing too). This was another experience of mine which was confirmed by the insta creators I followed!

I think some of this love and celebration of the simple life comes from the Netherlands’s historically egalitarian society. And it’s interesting to note how it seeped into Dutch art too. Dutch artists were one of the first ones in Europe to paint scenes from the daily lives of the farmers - shifting from the royal and wealthy’s lives, and biblical themes, to scenes from the simple everyday life of the common people. Their paintings celebrated the lives of the common people. Hats off to these artists for bringing the simple life into art forefront.

The simple skyline

There is a downside to this simplicity too though. There is a popular Dutch saying ’Doe maar gewoon, dan doe je al gek genoeg', which roughly translates to ‘Just be normal, that’s crazy enough’. It kind of discourages showing off or behaving differently. Which is fine, except sometimes differences need to be accepted.

In fact, I found it quite difficult to be myself in the Netherlands often. For example, I don’t enjoy eating sandwiches, coming from a culture where food needs to be warm (and tastier!). But initially, when I voiced a preference to not have sandwiches as meals, there were always a few raised eyebrows. Also, whenever I wore Indian clothes on the tram or the train, the looks around were not very comfortable. And this is something I had never faced when in London. I think given how diverse most places are becoming, it may be good to be more accepting of not everyone having to be the same and ‘normal’.


Love of the outdoors, weather be damned

The weather in the Netherlands is quite uncomfortable. I had moved there from the UK and didn’t think it could be worse than what I was used to. But was I surprised again! I almost became a weather expert with all the research I did into how much worse the weather was there. It was colder, rainier and cloudier than London by all parameters.

Snow time

Also, it was extremely windy due to its proximity to the sea. And I feel it was windy throughout the year. Even in summer when the temperatures shown were comfortable, I would feel chilly when outdoors. By the end, I was using four different weather apps in combination to get a reasonably close to reality forecast of the weather 😂. Apple weather (was the least accurate in my opinion but sometimes was correct), Buienradar (for accurate rain predictions every 10 mins), Weeronline (for long term weather) and KNMI (which was generally more accurate overall). Can you imagine this?

And on top of this, the indoor spaces in the Netherlands aren’t very well heated either! Offices, houses, restaurants, shops - everything! I was always freezing everywhere in winters, even indoors, and had to wear thermal layers all the time (which I never had to in London). Also I heard the Dutch keep their windows open during the night in winters. Clearly, they don’t feel very cold 😂. I could never get used to that either. Never. That being said, the Dutch don’t let the weather come in the way of how they want to live their lives. Which is quite commendable.

Winter in the parks

Exercising is extremely important to the Dutch. Everyone is into multiple sports. They also love active enjoyment in the outdoors, which they pursue despite the weather. You can witness this way of life in the countless number of activities possible in the Netherlands like race biking, mountain biking, hiking, swimming, sailing, rowing, kayaking, wind surfing, kite surfing, ice skating, running, and so on, even with limited natural resources (like no hills!). And there are facilities set up everywhere in the outdoors to pursue these activities comfortably.

Flamingos while cycling

Cycling is the most common activity for the Dutch. Everyone cycles everywhere instead of walking or taking the public transport. All the time. The cycling infrastructure is at a different level in the country, with their own cycle lanes, cycle crossings and traffic lights in the cities. And even between towns and villages, there are cycle routes to get from one place to another through fields and nature, without encountering road traffic.

Cycling is a religion

And cycling is not even considered an exercise by the Dutch 😂. So the other physical activities they do are all in addition to cycling - that’s a lot of daily exercise! Also I must say, even for daily commutes, the Dutch cycle very aggressively. And so fast, even the children and the very old people. They just can’t cycle slowly and leisurely. As it is not an exercise or leisure activity for them, just a means of transport. Also no one is spared if they are slow or don’t know the rules, when in the cycle lanes.

Also the Dutch cycle irrespective of the weather. They will cycle in freezing cold, in high winds, in pouring rain, in deep snow, in icy roads. You just need to look at insta reels to know how crazy they are about cycling. Come hail or snow or rain or wind, you can’t keep a Dutch person off their bike! And what the reels show is totally true.

And this is only about the ones cycling for commuting. There are so many who cycle as a sport. You can see hundreds of them in groups on the country roads, regularly racing 100s of kms a day. Beware of them for sure, they are brutal with the slow cyclists and pedestrians on the roads. I was told by a friend - if you see a group of racers coming your way, give them way to save your life!

Summer evenings

The Netherlands isn’t a natural hiking place, as it’s known to be one of the flattest countries in the world 😉. Still credit to the Dutch, they have created many options for people to still go and have some sort of a hiking (or more like walking) experience within the country. All along the coast, there are trails to walk through the dunes to get to the sea. The Veluwe forest has many hiking options, and apparently some mountain (or hill) biking routes too. All these trails offer the ability to walk around in nature, sometimes over small hills, sometimes on sand dunes, sometimes through forests, and sometimes through grasslands to get the feel of hiking, even in a completely flat country.

The love for these physical activities is inculcated early. There is annually a week called the ‘Avondvierdaagse’ when children across the country walk every day of the week after school with their fellow students. And their parents join in too. The young ones walk around 5-10 kms a day, while the older ones may walk up to 10-15 kms!

Summertime

There are countless water bodies in the Netherlands - ponds, lakes, canals, rivers and the sea, and these provide multiple opportunities for active and leisure waterbased activities. The lakes have swimming, sailing, kayaking and other watersports facilities. In the Amstel, you can swim, boat, kayak, stand-up paddle, and do all other watersports. (I have not swum in natural lakes and rivers anywhere else as much as in the Netherlands). The BosBaan, a long water stretch in the Bos near Amsterdam, is always full of rowers and kayakers.

Boat celebrations

A lot of Dutch people own boats which they take out when the weather gets better and just float through the connected waterways in the country. The beaches are always full, in summer or winter. With kite surfers, wind surfers, sailors etc.. Or people just swim in the cold North Sea water! In fact they also have an interesting tradition. On New Year's Eve, thousands of people run into the sea at midnight, in freezing temperatures (outside as well as of the water) to welcome the new year - it's called ’Nieuwjaarsduik’!

Frozen canals

And then in freezing winters, you have ice skating on the lakes and the canals. It used to be more common decades ago, but with global warming, freezing of the lakes and canals has become less frequent now. Still when it does, everyone is out and about skating on the countless water bodies in the country. It’s still one of the sports the country feels nostalgic about, and loves talking about when it’s possible.

To encourage the active lifestyle, the Dutch even have traditional sayings like ’Je bent niet van suiker gemaakt’ - you are not made of sugar - which is used when someone complains about the rain or cold (often while cycling). It means you won't melt or dissolve, so stop complaining and carry on. Another is ’Er bestaat geen slecht weer, alleen slechte kleding’ - there is no bad weather, there is only bad clothing - which helps get over the complaining of being outdoors in the bad weather. And then a phrase called ’Uitwaaien’, which refers to a walk in the wind to clear your head (apparently it can feel like a relaxing and refreshing activity!).

Fog time

I wouldn't have understood both these terms if I hadn't lived in the Netherlands. I used to avoid bad weather initially. But unknowingly, I was living these values by the end - cycling in the rain, hiking in the icy wind, going to the beach in the cold, and so on. You don’t really have a choice. If you like the outdoors and you live in the Netherlands, you have to embrace these values. Also, slowly you start enjoying it too. Watching the Dutch live like that challenges and inspires the expats to do the same too. And it's wonderful!

Terraces

When the Dutch are not strenuously exercising, everyone is chilling. Enjoying life and spending leisure time is extremely important to everyone. When the sun comes out, everyone will be out, on a boat, or the terraces, in the parks or just sitting outside their houses with drinks in the sun. Idyllic life is valued and lived daily here, along with the active life. And I totally loved it!


Learning the Dutch way of life (Part 2)